What I've Learned....

Talking with people back in the States, popular questions are, "What's the weirdest part about living there? How is China different from America? What's it like over there?” Well, for starters, I'm on the complete other side of the freaking OCEAN! So that’s cool…

But in all seriousness… in many ways it’s not so very different at all, and in lots of ways it’s incredibly different, but that’s what makes it brilliant! We tend to grow up thinking our way of living is the correct and only way of living. We find it hard to imagine people living differently than we do. If we don’t travel or aren't receptive to other lifestyles, what we fail to realize is there are endless ways of living life; countless philosophies, and infinite combinations of values and social constructs.

At the core, it’s all the same; it’s all humanity. People in China sleep, eat, poop, burp, laugh cry, argue, and love just as any other human on the planet. Like most people, the citizens of China want the best for their children, and grandchildren. Kids go to school with backpacks adorned with cartoon characters and afterwards are picked up by their Mom, Dad, or Grandparent. Adults go to work at jobs they either love or hate. They enjoy vacations in the country and family dinners at restaurants. They do their best to live healthy, fulfilling, honorable lives.

At the figurative surface there are countless and intriguing differences. I will do my best to note them as I become aware of them, though after nearly a month, I’ve become oblivious to some differences.

So… my list of Observations (so far!):

1. Logic has no place here. You live in a constant state of contradiction. You move fast, but it takes forever to get there. You trust the guy on the street corner with the fire and stir fry pan more than the lady with a physical restaurant. Shanghainese are super classy people, until they pee on the side of the street. They're all about rules, but nobody really knows what they are. They have a lot of great stuff, but it's probably all fake. It's all very high-tech, just don't look too closely at the electric wiring or the plumbing. But the craziest part is that it works. Somehow, to whatever degree, it works……..
2. Bamboo is often used to build scaffolding. The first time you see it, it’s terrifying. It looks like the rickety old tree house in your Uncle Larry’s backyard, or something from Swiss Family Robinson. But after talking with a local about it, they use it because it’s very strong…. (they make bamboo cutting boards and floors for a reason) and because it’s flexible, it can move with the wind and weight. You will also see people sweeping streets and sidewalks with bamboo. Kinda cool, really.
3. Get used to simplifying your morning coffee order. There also seems to be a correlation to what I am able to order and how the rest of my day goes. On a Great day, I can get an Earl Grey (or Black Tea) Latte with Vanilla. On a good day I can get a Vanilla Cafe Latte, on an okay day, it's a cafe latte. On a rough day... coffee. black. now.
4. Really skinny dudes with big beer guts. It defies physiology, but it happens... quite a lot.
5. On a similar note, the Chinese rendition of a cat-call will likely be one of the funniest things you ever experience, and describing it to someone will never do it justice.
   

   

   A chic squat-room.

6. Going to the bathroom becomes a serious task that takes meticulous planning. Unless you have no problem with squatting over a hole you will begin to take note of where western bathrooms can be found, and may even keep a running list on your phone of where the hella-nice-always-stocked-with-TP-and-maybe-even-soap-and-an-attendant bathrooms are (Super Malls). You also learn to carry tissues with you. Everywhere. TP shortage is a real thing.

   

   Heavenly Angels Sing!

7. You get used to not looking into the garbage bin next to the toilet. Don’t do it. To put it nicely… plumbing here isn’t always great. So flushing TP down the toilet isn’t always a good thing, so people get in the habit of throwing their TP in the trash. Like I said, don’t look, and maybe don’t inhale. (This is where that list of hella-nice bathrooms comes in handy.)
8. Frogger is a way of life. But before you jump out into the street, know that pedestrians—unlike in the States—do NOT have the right-of-way. No such thing exists here. Wait for the green walk signal (or the green light for the traffic going your direction if there is no walk signal), walk in the middle of the crowd, and be cautious of scooters (they don’t have to follow traffic laws), and cars/buses/taxis turning. And heaven help you if you have to cross a street with no walk signal during rush hour. 
9. Taxis and Buses drive like bats out of hell, and they honk, a lot. It’s a bit terrifying at first, but you’ll get used to riding in them with experience. Time is money for the taxi drivers, and I think the bus drivers just get bored and are trying for a personal best time for their route or something…. Also, the second you’re on the bus brace yourself or hold onto something. They do not wait for you to be seated before taking off like a rocket. Grab on, quick.
10. Scooters. Everywhere. There are even people whose jobs are to line up parked scooters to allow room for more scooters to be parked. Sometimes, they even have their own lanes! Though, most of the time they don’t, and may drive on the sidewalk, or the street, whichever they fancy. They may drive the wrong way, or weave in and out of people or vehicles. Basically, they can do just about whatever they want. Look out for these sneaky loons. Most will honk their horn if they’re coming up behind you…. But not always.
11. They are umbrella CRAZY! Sun’s out? Umbrella time! Raining? Umbrella time! Miraculously, umbrella time aligns perfectly with “Stab anyone over 5’6” in the eye time!”
12. There aren’t really smoking regulations. Folks with allergies, get yourself a nice facemask. For the most part, you’re not allowed to smoke inside of public places (with the exception of restaurants?), but outdoors it’s a smokers haven!
13. No legal drinking age. A toddler could legally buy alcohol.
    

    

    The Gaokao.

14. School is serious business here. Students have 2 major tests: the Jiankao (High School entrance exam that decides which high school you will attend (there are prestigious schools and lesser schools) and the Gaokao (College Entrance exam). The Gaokao is a 9-hour long exam of serious, hellish business.  The pressure on these students is immense and has caused a terribly high suicide rate amongst this age demographic. You can learn a bit about the Gaokao here and here.
15. Get used to showering at night. If you can, after 10pm. Water is cheaper then, and you feel clean when you crawl into bed.
16. According to Chinese belief, you must empty your trash can everyday! It is unhealthy to do otherwise. (My apartment agent, Dixon told us so. And Dixon knows all.)
17. Also according to Chinese belief, cold water is unhealthy. This may stem from the fact that their tap water is undrinkable and they have to boil it before consuming. In the days before bottled water, I could see how it might be instilled in a culture that “cold water is bad”. You may get a funny look when you ask for “bing shui”, aka “ice water”.
18. While we’re on the topic of water, be prepared if you order water at a restaurant or bars in particular. You may think you’re going to get a complimentary glass or at the most a 3-6kuai bottle (kuai, renminbi and yuan are synonymous, like buck/bill/dollar). But you may be hit with a 35kuai bottle of perrier. (Roughly 1RMB=$0.16 or 100RMB = $16) Not that I’m speaking from personal experience or anything…….
19. You’re going to get really good at observing what the locals do and copying them, whenever some new task comes along.
20. If you’re really lost or stuck, look for someone who is well dressed and roughly in their twenties, and maybe even carries a briefcase. Hopefully, this will be someone who went to a good school and had to learn some amount of English to graduate.
21. Your agent and landlord will likely always have access to your apartment. And you kinda want them to. If something breaks or needs taken care of, they’re the ones who are going to get it done, and likely while you're away. Actually, hopefully when you're away... you don't really want to know all their repair methods. Just make sure anything of value leaves with you or is locked/hidden away.
22. Someone may show up at your door, knocking like the apocalypse is starting, and deliver a random package, insisting that you indeed ordered it. They may also return later that same day to pick up said mistakenly delivered package. You may mutter “I told you so” to which they will not respond because they know zero English. All this is perfectly normal.
23. You will begin to enjoy reading body language on the metro, especially when you notice they are talking about you. You may even start messing with them, maybe acting like you’re listening and comprehending what they’re saying, or making funny faces, striking poses, or staring back.
24. Your doorman knows a single English word, “Hello.” After that, he starts talking to you in Chinese. But you love him anyway, and have great imaginary conversations in your head.
25. Charades is not just a game anymore. It’s a way of life. There are similar words, or cognates that cross the language barrier, like cola, wifi, no, and mango, but not many.
26. You will feel a certain camaraderie for any fellow western expat you come across. This could manifest in a lengthy conversation or in a simple smile-and-nod on the metro as you both listen to your respective playlists. Doesn’t really matter how you interact, but you know that if you were in need, they'd help you out.
27. Grocery shopping, particularly for fruits, veggies and meat is a whole new ball game. On one hand, you’re grossed out seeing nearly the entire animal hanging right in your face; on the other, you want to make sure you’re eating right; on the OTHER other hand… BAAARF! I mean… this is a breeding ground for bacteria! Yikes!
28. Also be careful with purchasing liquor, or happy hours advertising “free" or ridiculously discounted drinks. China has a HUGE fake alcohol problem, and some can be devastating to your health. You can find “Zero Fake” liquor stores, and most upscale restaurants serve the real deal.  When in doubt, stick to individual bottles or cans of beer.
29. Green Tea flavored stuff is everywhere. It’s like pumpkin spice, but not limited to a specific season.
30. Ladies, if you’re over a size 8 shoe… better be okay ordering online or wearing men’s shoes. (RetroEdit: In my time in Shanghai, I found two size 9s. Two.)
31. When Chinese guys stare, you are automatically confused about whether they’re interested or just curious/suspicious of the obvious foreigner. To save your fragile ego, you may opt to simply believe they’re always staring because your super-human good looks are hard to resist.
32. Why do the Chinese not have an obesity issue with all of the food options-- domestic and imported-- available? They walk EVERYWHERE. At the end of a normal work day, I’ve probably done 5+ miles of walking. On an errand day, it’s probably more like 8…. There are some metro stations, it feels like you walk a mile just to cross the interchange or find your exit.
    

    

    The Underworld.

33.  In Shanghai, one gives directions in regard to districts and metro stations. I work in Minhang, near WaiHuanLu Station, and live in Xuhui, near the Stadium Station. My commute between these two places is only about 10 miles, but it takes a little over an hour and consists of walking, metro, walking, or sometimes the bus if it’s running on schedule. Thank god for earbuds and e-readers. (RetroEdit: Line 12 is now open! I now work near GudaiLu! Still takes me about an hour to get to work, but a much less stressful hour, with more reading, and zero buses.)
34. There is no “ladies first” rule here. Guys don’t hold doors for women, or make sure they are seated or served first. None of that! Instead, priority is given to the most senior ranking individual of either gender. The juniors are expected to hold doors and elevators for their superiors, male or female.  If you have two people of opposite gender and identical rank, priority defaults to the man. Sorry ladies, they haven’t quite made that particular social stride yet. Not to mention, it’s ingrained in a 5000 year old culture…. could be a while.
    

    

    A real celebrity could walk on, and they'd never even know it.

35. People live perfectly whole lives without facebook. But that’s because they have an alternative, not that they've sworn off social media. And I think the Chinese are more glued to their phones than Americans. I didn’t think it possible, until I saw it. Riding the metro, people typically fall into 3 activity categories…. Ranked by popularity: 1. On their phones watching movies, chatting on QQ or weChat, maybe working. 2. Sleeping or wishing they were asleep. 3. Trying to read the map and decide where they need to get off.
36. In China, chances are, you're a minority. Ponder this for a while. How do you feel as a minority? How do you feel you are treated? Is this better or worse than how minorities are treated where you are from? Make adjustments accordingly. I feel I have been treated remarkably well in China so far. Many westerners here experience a pseudo-celebrity lifestyle at times. It's not uncommon for westerners to get free drinks, meals, or free VIP entry into clubs just for being westerners. On the other hand, I have walked into shops and been followed around, I've been taxi'ed in a roundabout fashion, I've been laughed at because I don't speak the language very well (or at all, really), and I've been lost and confused in a strange place with little to no help from locals. So next time you encounter someone who is not a born and bred "American" (or whatever), think about how you would like to be treated if you were in a foreign country, trying to make a life for yourself and/or your family.
37. Expats are some of the coolest people you’ll meet with some of the coolest stories ever. Ever. And my roommates are awesome. Our apartment fills with a harmony of world languages on a nightly basis, and I love it. Here's to Poland, Switzerland, the UK, and the USA. Slanje!
    
    If you have any questions about China, feel free to ask. I will try my best to answer them or find someone who can.
    
    
    

    

    My 'Hood.